Here are some one liners...
What Do You Have in the Basket, Judith? A Rape and a Beheading -- Artie is a great artist but she is raped by a fellow artist. She takes him to trial. After the trial she paints a magnificent depiction of Judith beheading a barbarian. Nice.
Virginia Tobacco is the New Crack... and the New Money -- Pocahontas is rich! King James is rich! Everyone is rich growing tobacco. It's like selling crack without that messy prison time.
Welcome to New Netherland -- The Dutch are moving into the New World in North America. Nothing serious yet, but soon.