Friday, November 18, 2016

History: The Year is 1901

I've uploaded year 1901 to the TSP Wiki...

http://tspwiki.com/index.php?title=1901

Here are some one liners...


Here Comes the Campbell Duck -- Mrs. Campbell was trying to produce a good meat duck and bred a massive egg layer instead.

Theodore Rex is Loose in the Paddock! -- The President is dead, and Theodore Roosevelt is exactly the worst possible person to take the reigns right now.

The Righteous Fists of Heaven Go Down Hard -- The Empress wants the head of the Boxer rebels, so she can get the Eight-Nation Alliance off her back.

In Other News -- Marconi radio, U.S. Steel, Dr. Alzheimer, and the electric vacuum cleaner.




Here Comes the Campbell Duck

All Mrs. Campbell wanted was a good meat bird to feed her family. Ducks seemed like a good choice, so she crossed a Fawn-and-White Indian Runner with a Rouen. That did the trick. (This is like crossing a long distance runner with a ball player from Ole Miss. What you get is a short Michael Oher that can lay 300 eggs a year.) At this time, a duck's color is important, so she breeds her new Campbell duck with a Pencil Runner to give it a buff color similar to the uniform of a British soldier. (This sounds like a load of hooey. Say nothing. Let's move on.) She names it The Khaki Campbell. Egg production is high, but they are not good brooders. (That means they don't like sitting around keeping their eggs warm, but if all you want are eggs for breakfast, you are solid.) Adel Campbell introduces her new breed to the English public this year. They won't come to the United States for another 20 years. Their popularity will soar in the 1970s along with a back-to-the-farm craze. They will become popular with the Asian community as well. [1] [2] [3] [4]
My Take by Alex Shrugged
I don't recall a back-to-the-farm craze in the 1970s. I recall a "I-don't-want-to-take-a-BATH-any-more" craze, but that was short-lived. The statistics on this particular duck are impressive. Incubation takes 23 to 28 days. They reach maturity in 7 months. An adult weighs in at about 3 to 5 pounds. Also, in researching this topic I noticed that retired people enjoy raising this duck. How do I know this? Because they mention the frickin' ducks in their obituary! How many times have you seen this line in an obituary: "And she loved raising her 17 Khaki Campbells." If a bunch of old people think that chasing these ducks around the yard is a reasonable thing to do, who am I to argue? I have seen warnings that certain crossbreeds of Campbells do not lay well. A word to the wise is sufficient.

Theodore Rex is Loose in the Paddock!

President McKinley has won a second term, but the Wall Street manipulators are crushing the hopes of the little guy! (Uh... yeah. The Panic of 1901 is in full swing, but the solution of the nihilist/anarchists is crazy!) McKinley's secretary has expressed his worry that the recent rash of assassinations in Europe might come to America, but the President refuses to change his schedule. (After all, if we change what we are doing, the terrorists win. Right?... Wait... What?) McKinley delivers his speech as scheduled, and steps down to greet the crowd. A second-generation Polish-American shoots him in the abdomen with a .32 Iver Johnson revolver, the gun "safe enough for a baby to handle," as the advertising goes. The doctors cannot find the bullet and since no antibiotics exist, the President succumbs to infection. Theodore Roosevelt is President of the United States and a Republican. He is an exciting guy. People love his energy, but he is the guy who said that he will "speak softly, but carry a big stick". Wherever will he lead us? [5] [6]
"Roosevelt's all right, but he's got no more use for the Constitution than a tomcat has for a marriage license."
--Joseph G. Cannon, Republican and Speaker of the House. [7]
My Take by Alex Shrugged
In the early years of the 20th century, the Vice-Presidency is where you sideline political liabilities, and Theodore "TR" Roosevelt is a very big liability. He is personally brave, charming to women and inspiring to men. He is the very best that the 19th century has to offer, which is the problem. He will do things differently simply to blaze a new trail. He will impose his will on others not because he has a desire to dominate. He believes that his way is best, and it is his noble obligation to lead. In the modern day we would call him an elitist, but he doesn't think he is better than others. He knows it. This sort of attitude can be helpful to society in many ways, but obviously destructive in other ways. Roosevelt prefers to be called "TR" or simply, "The Colonel". If you call him "Teddy" you will regret it. He is a Republican Progressive at a time when the word "progressive" is a good word. He doesn't just want fair play. He wants to change the rules to make sure it comes out that way. So now we march into the future with a dynamic and inspiring Republican President who knows what is best for us and will make sure we get it, good and hard. Wait... I was talking about Roosevelt. Right? Just checking. [8]

The Righteous Fists of Heaven Go Down Hard

The Chinese Boxer Rebellion is complicated, so let me say this.... if you ever have a sudden urge to fight for God and expect the Multitudes of Heaven to lend their swords to your righteous cause .... have a beer and re-think that one for a while. It is called the Boxer Rebellion by the English because it is led by young martial artists that the English call "Boxers". Their exact name translates as "The Righteous and Harmonious Fists". They are pretty good fighters, but invincible they are not. They are sick of the China's modernization, the Christian missionaries, and with the recent drought, they are flocking to the cities for food. On the other hand, the Boxer's solution to China's growing pains is to chop the Christians into bok choy. The reaction of the Christian nations is naturally... severe. The Eight-Nation Alliance is leaning hard on the Empress. The Alliance has taken Beijing, and while their ultimate success is far from guaranteed, the Empress is not an idiot. By decree of the Empress, the life of anyone associated with the Boxers is now forfeit. Heads will roll... quite literally. The Boxers are going down hard, but the consequences of this rebellion will be playing out for years to come. [9] [10] [11]

In Other News

  • Marconi receives a radio signal from across the Atlantic. Trans-Atlantic wireless is here! [12]
  • J. P. Morgan founds U.S. Steel. It starts with 1.4 billion dollars. (That is almost 40 billion in 2015 dollars.) [12] [13]
  • Dr. Alzheimer diagnoses a strange dementia in a patient. Yes. It is Alzheimer's Disease. [14]
  • The electric vacuum cleaner is patented. All vacuum cleaners will be based on this design. [15]

This Year in Wikipedia

Year 1901, Wikipedia.

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