Here are some one liners...
The Haitian Massacre and Ethnic Cleansing -- Haiti wins its independence and begins a bloodbath. I talk about the Bosnian, Yugoslavian mass murders of the 1990s.
The Philadelphia is Burning -- The USS Philadelphia has been captured by the Barbary pirates so Lieutenant Stephan Decatur sets it ablaze. I talk about the conflict between the USA and the Middle East.
In Other News -- Burr shoots Hamilton. Lewis and Clarke set out to discover what Thomas Jefferson just bought.
The Haitian Massacre and Ethnic CleansingFrench citizens are being systematically slaughtered after a long and successful slave revolt has freed Haiti from French oppression. A few years ago, Emperor Napoleon had re-instituted slavery in France's West Indies holdings which led to a revolt and the establishment of the free republic of Haiti beginning this year. The first fruits of the new republic leave a bitter taste. Emperor Jacques the 1st of Haiti, Governor-for-life and founder of the Haitian republic, has decreed that all French loyalists will be put to the sword. Over 3,000 men, women and children are slaughtered. The Governor-for-life reasons that if the Republic is to have a chance at survival, it must remove the elements of society that still remember the old system. What such reformers fail to realize is that they, themselves, still remember the old system. Emperor Jacques, Governor-for-life, will be assassinated within two years. A monument will mark the spot. In the modern day, the memory of Emperor Jacques's ill-considered mass murders will be gently set aside in favor of his efforts to free Haiti.   
The Philadelphia is BurningThe 1st Barbary War has been a minimalist effort by Thomas Jefferson to avoid foreign entanglements while protecting US shipping in the Mediterranean from the Barbary Pirates. Last year the frigate USS Philadelphia was sent as part of the blockade of the port of Tripoli. Unfortunately she hit an uncharted reef and was captured along with her crew of 305. This has become an embarrassment, so the USS Intrepid is fitted with sails to look like a local merchant ship and glides into Tripoli Harbor at night declaring an emergency after being damaged in a storm. (Yes. They have someone who speaks Arabic.) Before the light of dawn, Lieutenant Stephan Decatur and several Marines board the Philadelphia in an attempt to retake her or if that fails to set her aflame. Within 10 minutes, the Philadelphia is theirs, but it is severely damaged and cannot be towed. Decatur and his men set several fires and abandon ship. The Philadelphia starts to drift. It's cannons, loaded with shot, are so hot that they fire into the town. Everyone is awake now. The Intrepid escapes to sea as its sister ship, Syren, lays down cover fire. It is a bold action, praised by all except those in Tripoli. Lieutenant Decatur is a national hero.  
In Other News
- Aaron Burr kills Alexander Hamilton in a duel. Burr is investigated but not charged with a crime. His political career is dead though. Both of them were too dangerous for the United State's long-term stability, but neither deserved to die... at least at that point, but they were working on it.  
- The Lewis and Clarke Expedition sets out on its epic journey. After buying half a continent, Thomas Jefferson figured he had better find out what he had bought.