Here are some one liners...
The First Female Presidential Candidate is NOT a Witch -- She is a serious candidate but they try to smear her. They have a lot of good material so I talk about past smearing of women in politics.
Surprise! John Wilkes Booth Gets Married -- There is a marriage certificate. DNA evidence is available but no one is willing to check.
In Other News -- The secret ballot, Yellowstone Park and Popular Science magazine.
The First Female Presidential Candidate is NOT a WitchShe is also not a prostitute, not a man, and not a lesbian. Victoria Woodhull is a suffragette and despite any criticism she might receive in the modern day, she is a serious candidate. Given the obvious corruption of the U.S. Grant Administration and the inept campaign of the Democrat's candidate, Horace Greeley, just about anyone stands a chance at the presidency. Woodhull is a newspaper editor and successful stockbroker at a time when women are not allowed to trade in the stock exchange. Luckily for women, one is not required to use the stock exchange to exchange stocks, and she contracts with men who can make the trades for her where she is prohibited. Commodore Vanderbilt is one of her clients, and he has made millions following her advice, so she is a contender. Woodhull is running under the Equal Rights Party and they nominate Frederick Douglass (the popular author and ex-slave) as her vice-presidential running mate. This is news to him, but he doesn't disavow the nomination, and he is member of the electoral college for New York so it's official. Since newspapers are often used as political instruments, having Woodhull as a newspaper editor is not a problem, but a few days before the election, Federal marshals arrest her for publishing an obscene newspaper. Months later she is acquitted, but the damage is done. She will try for the presidential nomination again in 1884, but controversies surrounding her messy divorce will cause the suffragettes to distance themselves from her. 
Surprise! John Wilkes Booth Gets MarriedAnd I didn't send a card. Since the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln, a number of conspiracy theories have cropped up concerning the final arrangements for his assassin, John Wilkes Booth. He was supposedly killed in a shootout a few days later, but there was a witness who told federal officials that Booth was NOT in the barn before they started shooting it full of holes. The body they dragged out had the wrong hair color, and bore a strong resemblance to James W. Boyd, a Confederate soldier who disappeared around the same time. A quick investigation followed and the body was expertly identified as that of John Wilkes Booth. Then the body was dumped in the river so it would not become a rallying point. It was sort of like dumping Osama bin Laden's body in the ocean, only the public actually saw a body dumped in the river. Case closed. Right? Well, the body was never identified by his relatives. In fact, they were excluded from ever seeing the body. Testimony from the coroner's children years later, indicates that a lot of pressure was put on the doctors to identify the body of Booth as quickly as possible, probably to quell any controversy. But the controversy simply expanded. The only solid proof (if that is what you want to call it) occurs this year when someone in Tennessee named John St. Helen marries a woman named Louisa Payne. He admits to her that St. Helen is not his real name. He is really John Wilkes Booth. Louisa is horrified! But not by the fact that he is an evil assassin. She is horrified that she has married a man under a false name! She drags him back to the courthouse and makes him marry her again under his correct name, and that is how we know that Booth got away alive. 
In Other News
- Yellowstone is dedicated as the first national park. The area spans the Montana and Wyoming territories. Over 2 million acres is set aside as a park for the enjoyment of the nation's citizens. But there is going to be a war with the Indians north of there, so don't pack up your RV just yet. 
- Popular Science Magazine begins publication. They are currently reprinting articles from English journals from such distinguished scientists and philosophers as Charles Darwin and Herbert Spencer. I read a great article from 1872 on how schools are making our kids stupid. Ah... it never ends.