Here are some one liners...
The Scramble for Africa and Venezuela -- Africa is partitioned by the Europeans... mostly because of the tariff wars are killing the economy of Europe. I talk about Venezuela and what happens after you kick the evil foreigners out and replace them with local evil authoritarians.
The President has been Shot! By a Lawyer! -- Garfield takes two in the back. I talk about the government spoils system and corruption.
In Other News -- Pillsbury, the first cabaret, and Kansas goes dry.
The Scramble for Africa and VenezuelaTo this point European presence on the African continent has been limited to a few islands, trading posts, and larger areas including French Algeria, the Congo and the British Cape Colony. But Sir Henry Stanley (who found Dr. Livingston but probably did not say "Dr. Livingstone, I presume") has mapped the interior of Africa and given it a new name: "The Dark Continent." Europeans have a better idea of the resources to be exploited and they want to stake out their claim. The question is, "Why now?" Well... the Long Depression has been really... long. Tariff wars and protectionist policies between European countries have made trade goods very expensive. That makes tariff-free Africa very attractive, and with diamonds and gold available for the taking (except for a few annoying African Zulus, or Dutch Boers wandering around) the race is on. There is a potential for war between the Europeans so in a couple of years they will agree to carve up Africa in a more friendly manner... friendly to Europeans... less friendly to actual Africans. Thus the shape of modern African nations will be defined by the Europeans without regard to whether the borders make any sense to the Africans who must live within them.       
The President has been Shot! By a Lawyer!President Garfield was the "dark-horse" candidate at the Republican nominating convention starting with 60 votes and building from there. During the campaign, the Republicans blamed the South for everything but a rainy day. The South wanted lower tariffs which would improve cotton sales and make goods easier to buy. Republicans wanted to protect American jobs. America First! (Yeah. I know. The Long Depression is going to get a lot longer.) Hello Mr. President... and good-bye. At this time, "the spoils system" means that cushy government jobs are handed out to political cronies. (Not like today. Huh?) But Garfield actually thinks before he hands out these jobs. Then he receives a letter from a Chicago lawyer named John who expects a job too. John's 1st choice is Ambassador to Vienna. Yes. You guessed it. He is a nut and frankly, he is not much of a lawyer. (In those days, my dog could have passed the Bar in Chicago.) His application is DENIED! John buys a Bulldog revolver. Call it a snub-nose .44 with ivory grips. (He wants it to look good in a museum.) He waits at the train station for the President, walks up from behind and plugs Garfield twice: once in the shoulder and once about midway up the spine. The bullet misses the spinal cord and lodges in the pancreas. It takes Garfield 11 weeks to die... probably from infection. Surgical instruments were not normally sterilized. Chester Arthur is now President.   
In Other News
- Pillsbury opens the largest flour mill in the world. It has a capacity of 5,000 barrels a day when 500 is considered a large operation. The mill won't always operate at full capacity, though.