Here are some one liners...
Shrek! It's Swan Lake -- I note the similarities to this ballet and the movie Shrek!, Harry Potter and a Japanese anime series.
The Long Surrender of the South -- A backroom deal is made to make the Republican nominees President of the United States. What he has to give to Southern Democrats may make you feel dirty at first.
Congress is Off to the Races -- Hose races. Congress adjourns to go gambling! It's more than that, though. It is a way to substitute gunshots for your team winning... or losing.
In Other News -- The phonograph, canals on Mars and the Quaker Oats Man.