Here are some one liners...
Jobs Created by ELIMINATING Wind Power -- A wind-powered sawmill is shutdown because it eliminated too many jobs. I talk about solar and wind power and how fuel-based generators make more sense.
Buggery is now Illegal in Ireland! -- Thank goodness!
On Wisconsin! On Wisconsin! Forward! -- French explorer, Jean Nicolet, comes ashore at Green Bay and the Winnebagoes think he is a god.
Jobs Created by ELIMINATING Wind PowerLast year a wind-powered sawmill was built near the Strand, London. (The Strand is a major road following the Thames River.) Apparently it has been such a successful business that a lot of sawyers are out of work. (A sawyer is man who saws wood by hand.) King Charles the 1st of England is fighting an economic slump so he demolishes the sawmill in order to quell a possible riot and puts the sawyers back to work.    
Buggery is now Illegal in Ireland!Animals across the land sigh with relief as the Irish Parliament makes buggery illegal. Oddly enough, "buggery" is not defined in the law. It is assumed that the word means "sex with an animal." The law probably includes various types of coupling with a man or woman in ways too strange and at times too hilarious to describe here. Whatever the word means, apparently a judge will recognize it when he sees it. 
On Wisconsin! On Wisconsin! Forward!Jean Nicolet is a French trader/explorer following the Great Lakes and comes upon present day Green Bay, Wisconsin. (Go Packers!) This is dangerous work and most explorers have gone missing. Jean is the first to come back. This is not a journey of discovery. Most of his canoe is filled with goods to trade with the Indians. Otherwise he lives off of the land. Years later a painting of Jean Nicolet will show him as he enters Wisconsin. He is firing two pistols in the air as Indians scatter. 
This Year on Wikipedia
Year 1634, Wikipedia.